Co-Parent Counseling
High Conflict Divorce
You should bear in mind that the impact of your conflict on your children is likely to be very serious and long-lasting. High conflict between parents not only causes children immense suffering, it cause serious problems in their development. They soon have the sense that they cannot trust any adults.
Since each of you has opposite views, they learn to believe no one. They're likely to withdraw from friends as well because they don't want anyone to find out how bad things are at home. They're ashamed of you and your behavior. Perhaps the most serious effect of parents' quarreling over children is that the kids learn that feeling are too painful; they teach themselves not to feel pleasure or pain. In the battle between you, they learn to be polished diplomats.
They'll tell each of you what you want to hear -- not because they're liars but because they want desperately want to soothe each of you, to calm you down, to reduce their fears that you'll become enraged. They're afraid of your anger, they pity you and they want you to feel better.
- What About The Kids?
Judith S. Wallerstein/Sandra Blakeslee (2003) (page 204)